Back to the Beginning...

I truly appreciate you all. Knowing that we are all in this together is HUGE! I want to share my full story with you. I imagine you will find many similarities to your own struggles and that is my goal for CHEETAH Movement: To connect and to unite against the very real problem of teen self-harm and attempted suicide. To provide inspiration and more importantly, to let y’all know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE -THERE IS HELP.

 It all started when I was in the 5th grade. My very close great aunt passed away, I was extremely devastated. This is something that I haven’t talked about much, because it brings back so many emotions of sadness and also some resentment. I was first introduced to self-harm in the 5th grade. My friend used to take safety pins, tacks, or anything sharp she could get a hold of and cut herself right in front of me. At the time I didn't know that it was very dangerous or life threatening, so I didn’t tell anyone. She had endured sexual abuse and she told,  but nothing was done about it.

We didn't necessarily feel the same pain, but at least we felt connected by talking to each other daily. I asked her why she cut herself and she told me how it helped her, that it took away the pain she felt from her sexual abuse. She suggested I do it, which shocked me. I simply told her,  "I would never do that because it's crazy." But then 5th grade came to an end and things got so much worse for me. As I began Sixth grade I started to write down all my thoughts, how I was feeling at time. It was a tough year for me. 

Then 7^th grade started and that is when I began to consider self-harm and suicide. I’m talking “24/7” – it was always on my mind. I couldn’t stand the emotional pain I was feeling. I was taken to the hospital for a mandatory psychiatric evaluation. I didn't tell them everything so I was released and I left feeling the same way. I felt that no one cared about how I bad I was feeling. But I was keeping it all inside, so no one could be there for me. It was during my 8th grade year that I began acting on all the thoughts I had. I wanted people to see how much pain I was really in.

When I first started cutting it was seeing blood, but realizing that I was still there and that I was still a human being with feelings, that really got to me. I also had another evaluation in the 8th grade but a scheduled appointment the next day with a psychologist saved me from having to stay. Ninth grade was a very crucial time for me. I was in a very dark place and I couldn't find my way out. I cut my arms in places that I had never cut before. It surprised me that I could do that to myself, but not enough for me to stop. 

In the beginning, I wasn’t cutting to kill myself; it was to take away the emotional pain and anxiety that was consuming me. It was a high that I couldn't get enough of. I was hospitalized in November 2015, a little in December and then again in January 2016. My last hospitalization was February 4, 2016. That is when it all changed for me.

This journey that I’m on has taught me so many things. Two of the most important things are: NEVER SAY NEVER because you never know what situation you might encounter through your lifetime. Also, that happiness cannot be given, destroyed, worn out, or taken away, it is something that comes from within your soul. This journey has definitely been a roller coaster but I’ve made it here AND I’M NOT GIVING UP! It’s too important and dear to me now, and so much bigger than just my part in it.

Never ever feel like it is the end of the road for you! I'm thankful for all the support love and support I have had through this hard time. Sometimes we need to hear that we are important and that our life is valuable and much more than our past or obstacles we've run into. God has been my #1 strength through it all. He kept me - and that's why I'm alive today - speaking my truth open heartedly! 

Always remember that you are way stronger than you may believe. You don't know what you can overcome or get through, that's why believing in yourself is so important! If you ever feel like you can't turn to anyone else, turn to God he loves us NO MATTER WHAT, that's real love!

I love you!

My Name is Kenidra...

My name is Kenidra, I’m 15 and I’ve experienced the pain and suffering of self-harm and attempted suicide over the past few years. I’m here to tell you that you can get through it and you don’t have to do it alone. I created the 'CHEETAH Movement' because I have a really deep passion for helping others and making them know that they’re worth it all! I have been through some really tough times and if I can help even one person suffer less or not go down that path at all, I am blessed. I may only be 15, but I’ve lived through a lifetime of pain and now I am working daily to move beyond that suffering and to help others.

These past weeks I have had a lot going on! Many doors have been opened and my dream of helping others cope with depression/self-harm and suicide is becoming more of a reality than I ever imagined. So it is time to write and offer support through this blog. Thank you for stopping by – read on and reach out – I’m here for you!

I did my first radio interview this past week with Mesh Neal

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/meshneal

Although, I was very excited to share my story, I was also a bit nervous because it was my first interview on the radio and I didn't want to mess it up. I just really wanted it to go nice and smoothly. And it did! I have a positive belief that I can rock any situation now and do great!

It was such a big success and so amazing to know how many people I'm already inspiring! I was honored to answer guest call in questions; and so sad that I couldn't get to them all. I had a bittersweet feeling because I wanted everyone to get a chance to talk to me firsthand and to let them know that I'm so grateful for each and everyone of them.

I have felt so good since the interview. In general because I told the world know my story and answered questions from callers, my peers. My voice matters and I want you all to know how much YOUR voice matters! There are people who care and will be there to support you-you are NOT alone!

It is so important to educate and raise awareness for self-harm and suicide prevention. They are topics that are not easily talked about because people are so judgmental; some get offended, and the conversation may trigger fear and negative feelings as well. My intentions aren't to offend anyone but rather to talk openly and not continue to sweep it all under the rug. Also, it is hard for many to talk about self-harm because they are afraid about what people might say. Since, they are already down they feel like people are going to bring them down even more. It's never right to judge anything that you have no knowledge or understanding of.

In the end, I'm only trying to save change and save lives! I want to advocate for open conversation on these topics because awareness is the first step.  I am compelled to share my journey and to let the world know that self-harm is REAL, depression is REAL, mental illness is REAL, and suicide is REAL, we MUST end the stigma!! I want you to know that there are some up days and down days and that you can really get through self-harm and suicidal tendencies if you believe in your heart that you want more and that your life truly is meaningful.

 I just want you all to know that I love you from the very bottom of my heart! I’ve been there and I’m here for you.

You guys rock!

Silent Screams Short Film Trailer

Cameo Sherrell and I met on Instagram. Not long after, she  reached out to me about "Silent Screams" the short film she'd written and directed. Cameo is an actress and model who lives in LA. This is her debut as a director. She shared that telling this story was so meaningful to her, and how proud of me she was for telling my story. The film is about self-harming in the black community. Something that is much more prevalent than you may imagine. 

"Silent Screams" connects to my story alot. One thing for sure is that it expresses how you don't have to be a certain race or color to self-harm, however, the statistics are extremely high within the black community. Many people believed the stereotype that only whites self-harmed. Truth is, it's not that blacks don't self-harm, it's just not as openly discussed because in our community we are less likely to talk openly about it; because of our cultural backgrounds, and religious views. 

Mental illness, self-harm and suicide are real in my age group, in EVERY community. It can happen to anyone, anywhere. The message in "Silent Screams" expresses much of what I'm trying I get out by sharing my story and through the efforts of the CHEETAH Movement. It is very encouraging and motivational. I felt so many emotions while watching the film, you will too! 

This is a must watch because we should end stigmas attached to self-harm and mental illness that affect so many, across all cultural boundaries. 

Here is the trailer for Cameo Sherrell's new film "Silent Screams"

Hope you guys enjoy! 😊